At 5.20am yesterday, my beloved paternal grandmother passed away in her home in Balingian. My aunt and cousins were by her side. I miss her dreadfully. She was 89.
Again, I am not there for the funeral and kenduri. I almost got on the express bus with my brother, bringing the kids along. Then, after some thoughts and discussion with hubby and brother, it was best that I didn’t go. *sigh* They said taking the kids on the bus and being on it all through the night is just scary …
I am so disappointed in myself for not able to visit her the past three years. I’m afraid I had a lot of excuses that made me rethink of my plans to visit her in Balingian: work, small children, travel budget, no one accompanying me on the trip, etc. I should be ashamed of myself. Regretting now is useless …
She was a strong woman. My grandfather passed away more than 35 years ago. I think I was about 3 or 4 years old. He suffered from TB.
She had a stroke some years ago. With traditional massages and traditional herbal medication, she recovered slowly. She could move and walked again.
Lately, she started to forget things … sometimes she would forget that she has showered, eaten, etc.
I hope I’m able to go back to Balingian soon for my aunt’s makan hol 100 days and my grandmother’s makan hol 20 days early next month. Insya’allah … That’s my plan with my brother for the moment.
I pray to Allah that my grandmother and my aunt happy and well-taken care of with Him.